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The Icon Bar: The Playpen: Murrrrhdeur MOST horrid
 
  Murrrrhdeur MOST horrid
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I don't have tourettes you're just a cun Message #8792, posted by [mentat] at 13:00, 27/3/2002
[mentat]Fear is the mind-killer
Posts: 6266
Prizes to those who come up with the most imaginative and unpleasant methods to get rid of my boss.

Specific details available on request.

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mfrissen Message #8793, posted at 13:12, 27/3/2002, in reply to message #8792
Unregistered user Cut his head off, put it in the microwave, wait until it goes PING and shove the remains up his a**e..
(quote from filthy rich and catflap)
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monkeyson Message #8794, posted at 13:23, 27/3/2002, in reply to message #8793
Unregistered user Buy her a RiscStation portable and press her face against it till she burns.

[Edited by monkeyson at 13:28, 27/3/2002]
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I don't have tourettes you're just a cun Message #8795, posted by [mentat] at 13:26, 27/3/2002, in reply to message #8794
[mentat]Fear is the mind-killer
Posts: 6266
I like these so far, but you can all do much better!

BTW. It's a she. Or an it. But not a he.

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monkeyson Message #8796, posted at 13:32, 27/3/2002, in reply to message #8792
Unregistered user
Specific details available on request.

I request specific details to be made available. Mainly, why?

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andrew Message #8797, posted at 13:37, 27/3/2002, in reply to message #8792
Unregistered user Buy a one-way ticket to Swindon or ask her out on a date.

[Edited by andrew at 13:37, 27/3/2002]
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I don't have tourettes you're just a cun Message #8798, posted by [mentat] at 14:52, 27/3/2002, in reply to message #8797
[mentat]Fear is the mind-killer
Posts: 6266
Buy a one-way ticket to Swindon or ask her out on a date.

What am I supposed to do with this ticket?

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I don't have tourettes you're just a cun Message #8799, posted by [mentat] at 14:53, 27/3/2002, in reply to message #8796
[mentat]Fear is the mind-killer
Posts: 6266

I request specific details to be made available. Mainly, why?

She makes my life, and those of others in this office, hell. It's bad...

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andrew Message #8802, posted at 15:16, 27/3/2002, in reply to message #8801
Unregistered user Bake her a cake and offer to be her slave for a day or a week at a push.
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monkeyson Message #8803, posted at 15:18, 27/3/2002, in reply to message #8802
Unregistered user Tell her to join TIB and read this thread.

Oh, no, wait. Then it will be you who'll be murdered.

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I don't have tourettes you're just a cun Message #8804, posted by [mentat] at 15:18, 27/3/2002, in reply to message #8802
[mentat]Fear is the mind-killer
Posts: 6266
You're really not helping. Unless the cake was laced with stricnine.
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monkeyson Message #8805, posted at 15:20, 27/3/2002, in reply to message #8804
Unregistered user If you get a huge log, hollow it out, get her to crawl inside and fall asleep, then seal up the edges and get two men to come along and load it on to a lorry and drive it away, then man, I don't know what to say.
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andrew Message #8806, posted at 15:23, 27/3/2002, in reply to message #8804
Unregistered user Wash her cup everyday for a year and be on demand to put sugar cubes in it.
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andrew Message #8807, posted at 15:25, 27/3/2002, in reply to message #8798
Unregistered user
Buy a one-way ticket to Swindon or ask her out on a date.

What am I supposed to do with this ticket?

Give it to her!

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I don't have tourettes you're just a cun Message #8808, posted by [mentat] at 15:27, 27/3/2002, in reply to message #8807
[mentat]Fear is the mind-killer
Posts: 6266

Buy a one-way ticket to Swindon or ask her out on a date.

What am I supposed to do with this ticket?

Give it to her!

How do I persuade her to use it?

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monkeyson Message #8809, posted at 15:38, 27/3/2002, in reply to message #8808
Unregistered user Nick her car and leave it in Swindon Train Station's car park.
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I don't have tourettes you're just a cun Message #8810, posted by [mentat] at 15:46, 27/3/2002, in reply to message #8809
[mentat]Fear is the mind-killer
Posts: 6266
Like yer thinkin'! Still doesn't ensure death though...
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monkeyson Message #8811, posted at 16:20, 27/3/2002, in reply to message #8810
Unregistered user It's a fairly strong possibility on British trains....
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andrew Message #8818, posted at 09:38, 28/3/2002, in reply to message #8817
Unregistered user Try telling him about your cat's breath and he'll turn really funny with you.
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moss Message #8822, posted at 15:32, 5/4/2002, in reply to message #8821
Unregistered user Give her an STD.
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moss Message #8824, posted at 16:01, 5/4/2002, in reply to message #8823
Unregistered user Just smear stuff on her chair...
  ^[ Log in to reply ]
 
moss Message #8826, posted at 16:55, 5/4/2002, in reply to message #8825
Unregistered user Hold on a minute...

TONY! TONY BLAIR! COME HERE A MINUTE!! I NEED YOU A SEC...

More political satire. I'm great.

  ^[ Log in to reply ]
 
andrew Message #8800, posted at 14:58, 15/6/2002, in reply to message #8798
Unregistered user Imagination mentat imagination.
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I don't have tourettes you're just a cun Message #8801, posted by [mentat] at 14:58, 15/6/2002, in reply to message #8800
[mentat]Fear is the mind-killer
Posts: 6266
You want me to imagine her to death... great.

Look, I'm in a bad mood and I need gratuitous violence, death, destruction, and dastardly deeds...

indiff

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I don't have tourettes you're just a cun Message #8812, posted by [mentat] at 14:58, 15/6/2002, in reply to message #8811
[mentat]Fear is the mind-killer
Posts: 6266
Still too much room for survival... unhappy
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monkeyson Message #8813, posted at 14:58, 15/6/2002, in reply to message #8812
Unregistered user Threaten to send moss around to stick his candy floss where the sun doesn't shine!
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I don't have tourettes you're just a cun Message #8814, posted by [mentat] at 14:58, 15/6/2002, in reply to message #8813
[mentat]Fear is the mind-killer
Posts: 6266
Better! Is his mossfloss lethal?
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monkeyson Message #8815, posted at 14:58, 15/6/2002, in reply to message #8814
Unregistered user
Better! Is his mossfloss lethal?

Depends where you stick it.

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Phlamethrower Message #8816, posted at 14:58, 15/6/2002, in reply to message #8815
Unregistered user *flexes fingers* I'm the master of diabolical destruction smile

Let's see... female boss, murder of...

1. If you have some kind of board-meeting (Probably bored-meeting) thing where at some point she writes on a whiteboard, then you do the following:

A) Fill the board marker with explosives
B) Apply a large static charge to the whiteboard

Thus, when the said boss touches the board with the pen, a spark will ignite the explosives and remove most of the room smile

2. If you happen to know anyone entering Robot Wars (Or who happens to have a killer robot on their garage), do the following:

A) Fit a TV camera to the robot
B) Park an unmarked van outside the office
C) Go on a killing spree, controling the robot from the van

A bullet-proof robot is likely to be best, with your own choice of weapons ranging from flamethrowers to hydrolic pincers. You could even mount a couple of nailguns to ward off the police.

3. If you happen to live near some scientific research place, then do the following:

A) Break in and steal a linear particle accelerator and a fusion reactor. Whether they work perfectly doesn't really matter, but they must be quite small (i.e. large enough to get out of the door)
B) Fix them together as follows:

/-\-------
|*O
\-/-------

^^ ^
|| Particle accelerator
|Opening
Fusion reactor

Such that a ball of plasma can be built up inside the fusion reactor. You would then turn on the particle accelerator, and the plasma will be accelerated (Through what is essentially a rail gun), to near the speed of light. Anyone with any knowledge of physics will know that railguns and superheated plasma are very dangerous, so if you combine the two....
C) You have yourself a plasma cannon smile
D) Somehow get it to the office (Probably have it mounted in a big lorry due to the power requirements), aim it in the general direction of the boss, and fire.

4. Already mentioned as a way of disposing of Microsoft, pump high explosives into the sewers.

5. Make her a nice mug of acid.

6. Make a large tube, which is opened at one end. At the end with the opening, there should be rows of poisonous spikes, which are hinged so that they can open/close to pierce whatever is in the way. You also attach a trigger near the end of the tube, so that once someones arm is inside the tube they must continously squeeze the trigger to stop the lethal injection. Fitting two of these and finding how long she lasts should be quite gratifying smile

7. Build your own sentry gun:

A) Get a machine gun mounted on a tripod
B) Attach a couple of motors
C) Stick an infrared camera on top
D) Write the control software so that any moving heat source will get shot (Powered by a RISC OS computer, of course)
E) Sit it inside her office. Offices with glass walls or some other way of seeing in would be best.

Gee, what's that gun doing in there mounted on a tripod?

*opens door*

*RATATATATATATAT*

8. Rip up the floor in the office, and lay a load of bear traps. Then cover the floor with some thin floor substitute, so that it is flexible enough to trigger the bear traps and for the bear traps to close on your boss's foot.

9. DIY flamethrower:

A) Get a super soaker (Big compressed air powered water pistol)
B) Build a replacement nozzle with using metal pipe, complete with safety valve and lighter holder
C) Fill the water tank with lighter fluid, or some other suitably flammable liquid
D) Put it all in a rather smart breifcase
E) Calmly walk into work and enter your bos's office.
F) Open the briefcase and take out the water pistol (The boss should now be curious)
G) Unscrew the plastic nozzle and replace with your flamethrower one (Boss should now be slightly suspicious)
H) Take out a lighter, light it, and stick it in the holder (Boss should now be rather worried. Make sure you block off the door to stop escape)
I) Pump some air into it a few times, and watch the boss squirm
J) Take aim and let loose the flames smile

10. Knock her unconsious, and take her to the island in The Prisoner. Keep her captive there for as long as you like. (Of course, you'll have to build the island first).

Obviously some of those are a few more practical then others, especially if you don't hold a grudge against any of your other workmates.

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monkeyson Message #8817, posted at 14:58, 15/6/2002, in reply to message #8816
Unregistered user Who'd have thought that anyone with a name like phlamethrower flamethrower would have thought of all that? tongue
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The Icon Bar: The Playpen: Murrrrhdeur MOST horrid